crazierbythemile

Blue Ridge 2.0

I have been trying to write a recap of Blue Ridge since Blue Ridge. It felt cliché to exclaim for a second time that it was magical, even though that is the truth. I received compliments that I smiled the entire time.

I enjoyed every moment.

Even Peakwood. Peakwood is a lot of things, and a party is one of them.

My goals were simple – have fun, enjoy the event, and try to do better time wise than the first time.

Highlights from this go around – a volunteer ambushing me with a water gun and stopping to pet a dog. I wish I got a picture with the volunteer with the water gun.

The moomosa stop.

My favorite signs

I can!

Stop and pet all the puppies!

This sign makes me happy – the finish line is near and the members are supportive!

Even the cars were cheering

My nutrition/hydration plan for Blue Ridge was on point. Fuel/mustard every four miles; water at every stop. The forecast was sunny with a high of 65. While that makes for a gorgeous day, it makes for not so great running weather… for me at least.

As I warmed up, I went from one cup of water, to two, then eventually three; with some of that third cup poured on my head and neck. As a rule, I pack extra mustard packets. Typically, one for each water stop plus two extra (in case another runner needs one. Or I drop one). I started taking a mustard at every stop once I started double fisting the water. An ounce of prevention makes for a strong finish!

The effects of the heat didn’t start to bother me until we got out of Peakwood. I ran when I could, walked when I needed, and repeated. By mile 24, I was done. Not giving up done, but the “I know I am doing fine, but I am not putting forth any more effort than I have to, because I feel like I am in an oven and I still have a few miles left” done. That’s when the angels appeared and this melodious voice called “you have come this far, we are not leaving you. You can do this. Come on.”

Her words

Ashley, her friend who was waiting for her, and me finishing!!!

It was Ashley; a double marathoner with whom I had been playing leap frog for a good portion of the marathon. The six hour pace team, Kristin and Dale, had caught up to her and promised to get her to the finish. They were doing 30 second intervals, which was extremely manageable and even felt good. Their presence was magic. I got my second wind. We even ran through some of walk breaks to take advantage of declines. Mile 26, I turned to Ashley and said, “let’s go rogue and finish under six hours.” We took off and finished with a chip time of 5:58:xx. She finished round two of the double in under six hours! I finished around nine minutes faster than 2016! I was over the moon. For the second time this year, I finished marathon having achieved every goal.

race_0.00628952767876112 — Pure elation. My favorite finish photo!

Despite an amazing run at One City, I left the race feeling down. I was able to mask it thanks to my determination to focus on the fine balancing act of recovering properly from One City and still training for Blue Ridge. From Shamrock to Run for the Animals, there was a continuous sense of “wow-” the sheer heartwarming feelings of pushing for Team Hoyt and having an amazing 8K at Shamrock with surprise half marathon PRs at Shamrock and then again at Run for the Animals was beyond what I thought could or would happen. Then to watch Desiree Linden win the Boston Marathon –my excitement for Blue Ridge became electric.

The positive charge carried me through and lasted until my first “with purpose” walk. I hurt to the point of tears at how tight and sore my glutes, hamstrings and calves were – despite snails paced walking, yoga, gentle stretching, and Epsom salt baths. The initial shock followed by the realization that the soreness was a result of those muscles firing the way they were supposed to fire combined with the blah feeling lingering from One City left me in a slump. I still don’t understand how one negative can outweigh all those positives, but there are a lot of things I don’t understand.

Thankfully, May brought a month of unlimited classes at Bikram Hot Yoga. That first week I went every chance I could and started feeling better. Chalk one up to sweating out the toxins and finally enjoying all of the AWESOME moments that I celebrated this Spring!

I initially planned on a complete running hiatus, but I began to get antsy and the itch to lace up became too great. Like my first run back after my accident, I only wanted one mile. It didn’t matter how that mile happened – walk, crawl, skip.. Pace was not important. You guys – I felt sluggish and uncomfortable, but it was amazing. After a mile I kept going all the while listening. My magical mile turned into three miles. It felt so good to work up a sweat and get the blood pumping.

I amended my hiatus to run if and when I felt like with a cap of three to four miles. Nothing strenuous or intense. My new coach and I used May and the first part of June to work on form, get back into habits, and to rebuild my base. I like schedules. Knowing I would have yoga on Mondays, plyometric and glute work on Tuesdays, rest on Fridays, helped get me back in my right head space (that and starting to meditate more). Form

My excitement for Chicago has me ridiculously giddy. Training officially started June 18th. My goal for this training cycle is to shake things up; Meredith is definitely getting me out of my comfort zone. Jump rope anyone?

Cheers to a sweltering summer!

I believe

I believe in… *miracles *in a better world for me and you *magic *rock ‘n roll *the power of prayer *life after love *you *hard work *fairy tales * the Blerch

If you have never heard Cowboy Mouth’s “I Believe,” do yourself a favor and listen.

Two of my strongest beliefs are the power of positive thinking and everything happens for a reason (sometimes that reason takes time to make itself known).

One training season, Ryan shared the a video explaining the 40% rule. Watch it; I promise it is worth your time. Like most of Ryan’s advice and gems, it has stuck with me.

Shamrock is one of my favorite events. I love the energy surrounding it and truth be told the 8K is my favorite distance. Last year they had Shalane Flanagan and Elyse Kopecky as special guests promoting Run Fast; Eat Slow and it was awesome. This year, they hosted Kara Goucher and Kelly Roberts, which was AMAZING.

Kara Goucher

Kelly Roberts

Bart Yasso

My expectations for Shamrock were to run and get mileage on my legs again. Blue Ridge is next month and I am walking the line of recovering properly and training for another marathon. There is a time and a place to push things; Shamrock was neither. Which is why when my friend, Jenny, put a call out for runners to push for Team Hoyt at the 8K, I jumped at the chance. It was something I had always wanted to do and someday is not a day of the week…

I was paired with a little girl who was a bit bigger than my oldest nephew. Her caregivers told me she loves riding, to offer her water at the stations, but if she didn’t want any she would let me know. I figured my nephew weighed 40-60 pounds and thought she was maybe 60-70. (I saw my brother that night, my nephew is 60 pounds, so she was probably closer to the 70-80 pound range).

Pushing wasn’t as hard as I imagined except for turning and griping the handlebars. I am not used to griping anything when I run. I quickly realized that running with one hand on the stroller and one arm swinging was key (as well as switching hands). Honestly, I felt like I was running stronger – I felt my form was better. I brought my old phone and borrowed a portable speaker to play music while we ran. Even though I couldn’t see her face (except when I stopped to check on her at each water station), I could tell she was having a good time. When a song she liked came on, she wiggled or her hand shot out. When she heard a cowbell, she got excited. When there was a dog, she wiggled harder. There were a few magical moments when there was a dog and cowbell and she went nuts. It may sound corny, but those five miles were the most joyous miles I have run in a long time. I had several friends along the course and they came up to me and said she was smiling. That made my heart happy to hear.

In 2016, I paced two friends to substantial PRs at the Shamrock ½ and that made me feel good to help friends achieve their goals. Pushing for Team Hoyt surpassed that feeling. Despite the race photos, I was smiling the whole time. My whole being needed that run; I felt rejuvenated. I am looking forward to running with them more.

A PR for you! A PR for you!

I even held Jackie’s stuff, so she could have a proper victory photo!

I had promised my coach and friends that I was going to take the half marathon easy. My PR half *ahem* was 2:27:19. Given my recent paces, and how great I was feeling, I felt 2:30 was a realistic goal and if I began to feel tired or whatever I could back off. My friend, Keisha, and I had similar time goals and decided to hang with the pace group. We couldn’t find them, so we decided to run together. She was great company and it was nice to chat with a buddy. We ended up running six miles together. She had to make a pit stop and I just kept cruising. I love running through Fort Story and seeing the lighthouses; one of the Navy guys had Katy Perry blaring from the car and it cracked me up. I appreciated the DJ skills since I would not have expected it.

As I exited the base, another friend, Kristie, called my name. We met through the team years ago, and she has since moved away. We hadn’t really talked more than a quick hello in passing. It was awesome to share some miles with her. She made the comment that she was on track to get a PR. Out of curiosity, I asked what it was (2:24ish). Wait, what? If she is on track to PR, I am on track to PR. Now, I am horrible at marathon math, especially that late in the game, but being on home turf I had my bearing and knew I would be cutting it REALLY close.

Thanks, Ann for the photo!

Kristie and I

At each mile marker, I kicked it up. I had to try. And then we get to the boardwalk… I push even harder. I see Coach Ryan and Mike (owner of Running Etc.) They yell “Go Renée;” I take them literally. I kicked it into ludicrous speed. I kept looking at my watch because it was SOOO close. I dig even deeper (bringing it back to the 40% rule); I actually got a little worried that I might trip over my feet, because I felt like I was flying. I cross the finish line and my watch read 2:26:xx, I got a PR. I didn’t know how much, but it had to be about 20 seconds. I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t trying to do it (initially). I was running on solely on effort and feel. I hugged Kristie who complimented my kick at the end 🙂

Official Shamrock time 2:26:54 – a 25 second PR! I was in shock. Two weeks after a PR marathon. The day after pushing for Team Hoyt at an 8K and standing on concrete for six hours. I kept asking how is this possible. I ran into Rob and he said that’s because you work you’re a$$ off.

He’s right. I do. I have. I had been frustrated for a while because I felt I never saw improvement. In the same month I PR in the marathon and half marathon – it that order. I believed I could. Patience is not always my strong suit, but hard work and dedication are.

Bonus of this Shamrock – the ability to celebrate so many personal victories. Whether it was a PR, or a new distance, I had a lot of friends celebrating accomplishments.

Qualifying for Boston is still a long way away. I believe I can do it. It will take time, but I am closer now than when I was started. I will continue to work hard. I know this will not be a straight path; it will be more like a toddler dancing the Cha Cha.

Next up – Blue Ridge Marathon!

Lucky Number 7

I am usually not a numbers person. I love words. While I recognize the beauty of math, I love semantics… how things are said is fascinating.

Then I got a new to me fancy watch; and slowly became fascinated with the numbers. I enjoyed looking at the data. Cadence, the paces.. I liked looking at the splits and trying to figure out what was going on at that moment if it was a faster pace or slower (more often than not slower paces meant that I stopped to talk. I don’t pause my watch, so that is usually the giveaway for social time.) One of the coolest things about Garmin Connect is that you can pull reports, like you ran X number of Runs for Y miles for Z time. <insert oohs and aahs> I often kid that I traded working part time for running; with marathon training, there is some validity. It explained while I was tired a lot; it was also empowering.

One City Marathon by the numbers Training Cycle: December 3, 2017- March 3, 2018 Number of runs: 61 Distance: 414.85 miles Time: 80:44:04 Highest mileage week: 47.78 miles Average pace: 11:45 minute/mile Average distance: 6.80 miles Average time: 1:19:25

5:19:43! (Previous PR was 2016 Marine Corps Marathon 5:54:11; my first marathon, 2014 Outer Banks, 6:18:46).

Photo credit: Tracy, J&A Team mate.

Thank you, Shannon!

I was trying for 26.50 – I can’t resist high fives!

My official goals were: A – Toe the line with no “What Ifs.” Every other marathon, I have wished I had done more… strength training… focused on nutrition… whatever. B – Sub 5:30 C – Sub 5:00

My expectations were high. I exceeded them. I am really happy with the end result and can recognize where I could have done better. Even though I want to do the “if this than that,” I am reminding myself to focus on the huge accomplishments of what I did do and not worry about what I could have done differently. This marathon was for all intents and purposes perfect, and I need to stop minimizing it; especially since I made conscious decisions to do or not do certain things.

It was not that I could not give more; I chose not to push towards the end. I own that. As I told my mom, I got to a point in the 20s where I knew I had a PR and made the choice to back off and not push harder. I still had more in me and I knew it. My goal was to toe the line without any “what ifs,” I should have expanded it to include walking away from the finish line going I gave it my all. I hereby amend my ‘A’ goal to include that… I rocked One City!

I GOT A 34 MINUTE PR! That is huge. Two minutes is huge. Seconds are huge. 34 minutes is monstrous. To quote my friend Katie, “that was an annihilation!” Yes, it was.

Considering this time last year I could not look left, checking off 2/3 of my goals is more than enough.

I knew “A” was checked. Even though I missed more miles this cycle, I have never felt more prepared.

I felt “B” was underestimating my abilities. I was on pace to make/beat that at Marine Corps; and strongly feel that if the sinus infection hadn’t derailed me, I would have.

I knew “C” was lofty, but “have guts; go for glory.”

The past few weeks, my happy pace was around 11:30/11:45. I honestly felt like I could run forever at those paces. 11:27 min/mile = roughly 4:59:59 marathon. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, because the marathon isn’t fair, but I felt that it wasn’t necessarily the pipe dream if you had asked me six months ago if it could happen. I kept reminding myself – “have guts, go for glory.”

My friend, Christina, said she would run with me. She is a fabulous pacer; once she finds her cadence she stays there. She kept me reigned in; I am grateful for that. She, also, forewarned me that she wasn’t sure how long she could hang with me because hadn’t been training; I was happy with “whatever.”

Whatever ended up being roughly 12 ½ miles. Around that time we met up with the 5:00 pacer; I hoped to stick with her until at least mile 17 (that mile is my nemesis). After two miles at sub 11 paces, I decided the pacer was not for me. That also ended up being around mile 18 aka Mariner’s Museum. The road was uneven. Not gravely, but it was not pleasing to my feet. I made the choice to walk, because I scuffed a few times and didn’t want to risk tripping. Bonus, beautiful houses; I enjoyed looking the architecture. Several people who had been behind me for a while asked to make sure I was all right. Runners = awesome. The walk was a good mental and physical reset.

My biggest stress the week leading up to the marathon was what to wear. I knew how to dress for the temperature, but not with the wind. Luckily, Saturday’s short run with similar conditions, gave me confidence in my choice to wear capris, long sleeve undershirt, short sleeve tech shirt, beanie and gloves. We had a tailwind for most of the course, but when we hit the headwind, it was chilly. I tend to be a furnace, so there was a constant sleeves up, sleeves down, beanie on, beanie off, gloves on, gloves off. There were a few times when the breeze was blocked and we were in the sun that I questioned life. Then we go around a bend and I was happy. This game continued until mile 20/21. By that point, we were in the downtown area and I started to feel nauseous and hot.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, my new friend, Jess, held my shirt while I took off my long sleeve shirt and tied it around my waist. I immediately felt better.

Since I had cheered the marathon the last three years, I knew exactly where I was; I knew there were three turns and the straight away for the finish. The desire to get as big of a PR as possible was re-lit and I went. As I made the final turn and saw the clock (5:19:00), the competition between time and me exploded. Tunnel vision set in and every step was DO NOT LET THE CLOCK GET TO 5:20:00 OH MY GOD IT IS BELOW 5:30.

Tommy and Shannon were off to the side and I went over to them to share in my joy. Tommy is a man with many words and his simple “damn,” spoke volumes. Shannon’s smile complimented the moment. I saw Jess finish and thanked her for getting me through those last four miles. Tommy and Shannon were tracking Christina and realized she should be finishing shortly.

The marathon is comprised of many variables. If one variable goes awry, it is easy for the marathon to fall apart. I have been fortunate that I have had two that were basically perfect (Blue Ridge and One City). While I am not the most religious, I have found myself thinking more about the mysticism behind my One City experience. The first, I have found myself reciting the Serenity Prayer a lot with it. I have had to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Second, this was my seventh marathon. In many religions, the number seven is a holy number. Maybe it means nothing. Maybe it means everything. Maybe it means I came up with a really cool way to display my medals. 🙂

Adventure awaits!

Nothing but a G thing

Goals, guts and glorious – these three words appeared a lot in my world since last summer. I have been complacent and worse, I have “settled” for a while. To quote Belle from Beauty and the Beast, “I want more than this provincial life.” Adventure Belle

I didn’t really know how or what meant a few months ago, but as life has unfolded I realized changes were coming and I have been following the world’s lead for a while.

The dichotomy of the first and second halves of 2017 was remarkable, minus an ill-timed sinus infection in October. July, I received some professional constructive criticism that was a catalyst for re-defining my sense of purpose. An epiphany caused a shift in perspective and made me realize that the bumps that 2017 presented was exactly what I needed. As a result of those bumps, I re-defined and re-examined personal and professional goals, went with my gut, and made changes. An opportunity presented itself that was the change I needed professionally (spoiler alert – I accepted a transfer to a different department!). Personally, the bumps forced me to re-examine my nutrition and fitness regimes. (Second spoiler –I have lost the 40 pounds I gained after surgery. Actually, as of February 26th, I am about three pounds below what my initial post-surgery goal weight. Woo hoo!)

My biggest goal since I was given the green-light to resume normal physical activity has been to be smart. I have, more than once, erred on the side of caution (except during that ill-timed sinus infection…) and took things easier than what is my normal. I realized I needed to treat my comeback like I was a beginner. I finally have (most of) the right habits in place to help reach my ultimate goal of eventually qualifying for the Boston Marathon (still need to work on the warm up and cool down). I cancelled my gym membership and started taking small group strength training offered through my physical therapist’s office. The trainer is aware of my limitations and we adjust. Work perk, I have access to a couple of gyms so I can supplement as necessary. I joined a yoga studio; that has been the

best decision! There is something magical about the heat and the stretching that works wonders on my neck. Even though I look like I have gone swimming, I feel refreshed after each practice.

Part of the being smart was signing up for the Shamrock Training team again.It was where it started and it helped get me to the finish line of my first half marathon. While I have written my last couple of training plans (with the assistance of certified running coach friends), I tend to be aggressive and I knew I needed to step back and build back to where I was stopped. Plus, I like being on a team (and the perks).

The launch party was early December. Condensing the night into a really short story, Ryan asked a simple question, “Where will your running shoes take you?” He asked to think about our goals and our fears. He wanted us to write the goals on the side of shoes, so we could have a reminder every time we laced up; he wanted us to write the fear on the bottom, so we could stomp it out. I was stumped. I didn’t have any fears – I mean after everything with 2017 pretty much nothing scares me. I have nothing to lose. Goals, um, run again? Running goals are separate from the fitness and nutrition goals, while they go hand in hand, they are not exclusive. My biggest goal at that moment was to regain what I had lost and improve. Since I wasn’t sure, I decided to think on it.

I am big believer in signs. I believe in fate and karma. I, also, believe surrounding yourself with (positive) like-minded will help the whole achieve their goals and dreams.

One of the people I met through the team is this amazing runner, Kris. She is friendly, supportive, driven and FAST. She has been trying to qualify for the Olympic Time Trials in the marathon for the short amount of time I have known her. The same day as the launch party, she raced the California International Marathon and QUALIFIED for 2020 time trials! You can read about it here. Pondering Ryan’s speech as I was reading her recap (best line ever – Life’s not fair. The marathon isn’t fair either.), it came to me. Have guts; go for glory. I have been conservative for a long time. With every marathon (the exceptions are Blue Ridge and Richmond), I have had realistic expectations and even though I gave it 100 %, I have always wondered what if I did…. More strength training… focused on nutrition… focused on sleep… and on on. Her words inspired me for to go for it.

When I toe the line this weekend, I know there is nothing else I could have done; I have already achieved my “A” goal. It is now up to the Marathon Gods. On one hand this training cycle has been the most inconsistent – missed runs due to icy roads and a stomach virus that took its time going away, or shortened, because I wasn’t feeling it. On the other it has been my strongest, my runs have felt consistent; like all of them have felt like quality miles. I can’t control the weather. Thankfully, the marathon is mental and my mental game is strong.

My time goal is lofty (C goal), but achievable. The best feeling this week is knowing that I don’t have a single “what if” this go around. (Slight lie – no idea how to dress yet, but will be confident in whatever I decide to wear Saturday evening).

Danette didn’t share the name of the person who said this, but this may become my life motto.

Solid advice

Happy Dr. Seuss’ birthday!

Thankful and Grateful

I have said those words a lot since February. Probably more so these past nine months than the previous thirty some odd years since I started talking (and some would say I never stopped).

While this year has been challenging, it has allowed me to focus and recognize on the important stuff. The best part is “the important stuff” isn’t even stuff. It’s family, friends, and health. Even in spite of an ill timed sinus infection, I am healthier now than I was back in February.

This past weekend we hosted my nephews for the second annual Thanksgiving sleepover (the niece is too little). It was loud. It was chaotic. It was a blast.

Now to work off the feasting!

The now

Hello! I have been meaning to write for a really long time. Short version, while I have had a lot to say most of it wasn’t positive; well, none of it was positive. I am a believer that emotions need to acknowledged, but I don’t like it when the only thing one talks about are complaints. And, for a while, all I did was complain. No one has time for that… especially me.

Change Your Mind – Sister Hazel; my anthem. Thank you, Judi, for this.

At the end of June, as I was lamenting the forced time off from running, I managed to stay excited about the stuff I could do. I even started writing a post about it.

*****

When this runner can’t run, this runner finds a new hobby.

I am love the little bit of gardening that I have started! I just wanted to try to grow one thing. ONE. Zucchini. My first one is growing. My garden has grown from one zucchini and one strawberry to a raspberry, and two varieties of blueberries. I am beginning to look at ahead and what I can grow this fall and winter. Right now I am thinking beets, sweet potatoes and spaghetti squash.

When this runner’s house is damaged by a fire and as a result most of the outside projects that needed to be done are complete, this runner falls in love with her backyard again.

I never really liked being out back (fine outside at all) before. The new fence and deck make the back feel open and inviting. The new furniture is comfortable. I find myself smiling every time I step outside. I can’t wait to get the house organized again (waiting for a shelving unit from my mom) so we can have a welcome back party.

When this runner can’t run, this runner gets on her bike.

I still haven’t been able to lace up. One of my best running buddies is temporarily sidelined. We can ride bikes. It was awesome to be active in a different way. I am going to try to enjoy more bike rides this summer. Luckily, everyone in my family has a bike now, so I foresee at least a couple rides with them.

When this runner can’t run and is worried about gaining weight, this runner is thankful that her health insurance considers nutrition counseling preventative medicine.

My dietician, Karen, has been amazing. She is part nutrition counselor and part therapist. I feel like sometimes I make a lot of excuses (let’s be honest… I do). I have always been an emotional eater and 2017 is still not being kind. However, the ability to recognize self-destructive behavior and being accountable helps tremendously. Not going to lie, there have been some very ugly moments when the not caring and the feelings didn’t matter and I enjoyed whatever bit of morsel I shoveled in my mouth. Guilt and a tummy ache usually followed. However, each day is a new beginning. With my running outlet still off limits, finding alternatives has been hard. I am stubborn and enjoy a challenge.

*****

I had started to believe that the curse of 2017 was behind me and then the phone rang.

June 24^th, I start grilling lunch and A.B. calls “You need to come get me. I was in an accident. My chest hurts. I think the car is totaled.”

My heart sank and my mind raced – “what do you mean your chest hurts, are you on the way to the hospital, where are you. 2017, you need to stop.” I had the foresight to turn off the grill, grab two bottles of water, and my keys. The stoplights played nicely, and I made it to the scene incredibly fast (while obeying all traffic laws).

His car is totaled. Her car is totaled. Not only could my untrained eye see extensive body/structural damage, but the air bags on both vehicles had deployed.

He told me he refused to be taken to the hospital, but thinks he needs to go and asked if he made the wrong choice. We finish up with the police officers and make our way to the emergency room. He is visibly uncomfortable in the truck; his hands look horrible and the heat is making everything worse. I keep reminding him to drink. We check in and wait. His hands are beginning to turn change from flesh colored to pink and oozing. I am thankful I brought the water and keep reminding him it is important to keep hydrated. We don’t wait that long, and are taken to a room. His hands are now turning from pink to bright pink. He is taken for blood work and a couple of tests. By this point, we have both calmed down and the bad jokes get started. I need the entertainment; he needs the distraction. Since the airbag and seatbelt did their jobs his chest is bruised, so every time he laughs, his chest hurts. Whoops. His hands turn from bright pink to purple and that is (thankfully) his biggest complaint. Second degree burns from an airbag! They did their job; small price to pay.

There is always something for which to be thankful!

A.B. is given morphine to help with the pain from the burns. HAHA that was fun to watch it kick in; it’s even funnier than me on muscle relaxers. We are given a couple of prescriptions and discharge orders. The only people who knew what was going on were my younger brother, his wife and my friend, Stephanie. Before word spread, we made the decision to wait until we are home before we tell anyone else. My brother and sister in law call to check in because our oldest nephew is really worried and wanted to make sure A.B. was all right. Actually, talking to him wasn’t enough. He had to come over to see him.

That same weekend, a former co-worker’s seven year old son succumbed to his battle with cancer, and a friend from high school died suddenly. She was younger than me. Their deaths hit me hard. I hadn’t seen them in years, but it still left me in a funk. Inexplicably, the suicides of Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell hit me equally as hard. Normally, I am not affected by celebrity deaths (other than sympathy for their families). For whatever reason, their deaths left me questioning a lot and with all the trauma and drama of the first half of the year, I felt myself sinking into a depression.

I didn’t let too many people know how unhappy I was. I stopped trying to be social. I didn’t have motivation to do anything. Not that I was allowed to do much. The only thing I wanted to do is watch television and lay on my couch. While I had been focusing hard on nutrition and logging everything, my weight had crept up again (pretty certain it was a side effect of more steroids). My neck was still messed up and all my doctors said in regards to running was to ease back into it slowly and listen to your body. At that point, my body was still saying no.

As the depression lingered and it was noticeable to those who see me daily, I was asked about seeing a counselor. Having felt like this before (similar thoughts and emotions from when my dad died), I felt that the depression was situational, and I wanted to give myself some time to process through it before seeking professional help. I gave myself a time frame

One of the cards I got through our works wellness program through Virgin Pulse.

and if I didn’t start feeling like the depression was getting better or that it was getting worse I would make an appointment. Side note – I have received counseling before. It takes a brave and strong person to admit they need help and seek it. As I hoped, once all the craziness of his accident eased up, I started to feel better.

Thankfully, the second half of the year has been better.

I am very honored that they felt despite not being able to run it last year that I could still represent them.

Mentally, I don’t feel like I am in a fog. Physically, I am just now beginning to feel like myself again. Since July, there have been a lot of just happy and good.

Josh’s chalk art is amazing

My biggest struggle to date is reminding myself that I am coming back. I can’t jump back into my old routines. Like my doctor emphasized – slowly ease back into everything. Thankfully, my circle is strong and protective. They have given me the look and talks about not risking progress.

I am using November as my opportunity to get into the habits that I want to see come December. I may not be where I want to be, but I am getting there and for that I am grateful. I have used the analogy of the phoenix several times this year; I find it ironic that I am considering now a re-birth as we are approaching Fall and Winter. They are my favorite seasons, so I will go with it.

Speechless

I have a gift of gab and for me to only to be able to utter “no” and have no idea what to say is rare (and if you ask my brothers a welcomed moment of silence). That was the case after I got off the phone with A.B. moments after my last blog post. We had talked about turning on the shiny new air conditioner to test it out. Houston, we have a problem.. Bzz… Bzz… Every time the A/C kicked on a bzz was heard at the circuit breaker. Commence calling the HVAC company and contractor. We were for all intents and purposes done. All that was left was some caulking around the inside of the patio door and we were finished. Now, at the 11^th hour bzz? No. No. No. Just no. Up until this point, I feel like I had handled everything well, there have been not so pretty moments, but those were very short lived. Now, as I was waiting to hear the prognosis from the electrician, I felt it was going to be a pint ice cream and peanut butter for dinner sort of day. Past experience has taught me not to freak out because Whitney always makes it better. I just needed to know what to tell her.

As all of this is happening, I am having my first consultation with my dietician. I am still not sure how long our first meeting was supposed to be, but two hours later I left with a general idea of what to aim to eat lunch, dinner, and snacks and a solid game plan for breakfast. My little brother laughed when I told him about it (he knows her) and said you met for two hours and basically left talking about breakfast. Yes, it is the most important meal of the day (next to lunch and dinner).

To sum it up, Whitney (as usual) made it better and the powers that be (the electrician, the insurance estimator, and the insurance adjuster) agreed that bzz (a.k.a. arcing) was result of the fire and insurance would cover replacing the entire circuit breaker panel.

The electricians hard at work

Sorry for the dark photo, but I never thought a circuit breaker panel would make me so happy.

Relief. We still have power, just not the air conditioner. I have ceiling fans and a fan. Up until this past weekend, it wasn’t *that* bad. The insurance cut us a(nother) check and we now a shiny new circuit breaker panel. Like with the entire repair process, it was a hiccup. Well, more like a belch since it was the biggest hiccup of the whole thing. As of Wednesday, the repairs are finished! We just have small loose ends to tie up (who doesn’t love some paperwork!).

My dietician, Karen, is fantastic. Since I was (in my mind) just shy of hysterical at our first meeting, her willingness to work with my need to take things (snail’s pace) slow and focus on one small change at a time (hence breakfast) has made it a lot more manageable. We have talked about game plan once my electrical work was complete (power has to be turned off and I don’t want to risk anything going bad just in case). I want to stock up on high quality ingredients. As part of the assessment she took my measurements; I was shocked to learn that I had lost weight. I told her that I was certain her scale was broken. She reminded me that in our first meeting that I told her that once I was placed on the steroid that I started keeping track of everything I ate. Truth. She then went on to remind me that losing weight is more than just working out (ahem gentle reminder that you can’t outrun a bad diet and abs are made in the kitchen) and running. Also truth. I even admitted that the pants I wear to gauge if I had gained weight didn’t make me feel as much like stuffed sausage, so I guess it was possible.

One of the things we discussed was how to handle the Roanoke/Blue Ridge trip. I wouldn’t have my routine or a refrigerator. Our game plan – make as good of choices as possible and don’t stress about it.

While nutritionally, Blue Ridge didn’t go as according to plan as I would have liked (nor a few days following), it was by no means the worst that I could have done. We ate at some amazing restaurants. I had packed protein bars, trail mix, and some fruit; I made sure to stay hyrdated. Like everything else this year, it could have been so much worse. At our check in earlier in the week, I had gained a couple of pounds, but it could have been water retention. No reason to panic. Life happens. I am back on track. And segue to Blue Ridge…

Those few days away were great mentally. My stress has been high and my two outlets for stress relief are eating and running. Perk, I have been cognizant of eating and I am doing a lot better not reaching for the fridge or pantry most of the time… I needed the away from everything. It was nice just to hang out. I love Roanoke. It is a cute place, with some amazing shops. The people are friendly. The race directors had been aware of everything and they just wanted to make sure I was good. I was so happy that when I decided I wanted to volunteer that they were willing to work with my limitations. Not only was my desire of being involved fulfilled, I was helpful and useful! And, I got to meet several of the other ambassadors and briefly see one who I had previously met (Theresa, next time we are going to have a real conversation!). I even ran into my friend Cat. We met on the course last year after a way too close encounter with a snake.

My day started at 12:30am. I met Molly at the start line and helped check in the 1am wave of runners. Hung out and did the same for the 2:30am wave. After they were off we picked up some balloons and hung up a sign and then went to a check point. I was “released” until the start of the marathon. I was trying to cat nap when Molly called to tell me that some of the people were pacing faster than expected and if I could go to one of the checkpoints until the person that was supposed to get there could.

Cat

1am runners waiting

Christina

1am runners starting

2:30am waiting

2:30am starting

Roanoke Star lit up just for the double!

Since I am not familiar with the area, I had no idea where I was going. She gave me an address to plug into my GPS, but it was “just an address.” It was a neighborhood that brought back memories – even though it was dark. PEAKWOOD! It is like mile 17/18 of the marathon and the last of the major inclines. My friend, Christina, dubbed it the gates of hell. It goes straight up and when you think you are at the top, it goes up more and then straight down. The car didn’t really like it and I ran up this last year?! And, I wanted to again this year!?! Twice!?!! I get why Tommy tells us we are certifiable for loving this marathon. J I parked and waited. While there was some light from the houses, it is basically pitch black. I decided to leave the headlights running to let the runners know there is someone there and I am just not some creepy voice hanging out in the shadows. I was also thankful that I over packed and had one of my lights with me, so I could see when I was writing the bib numbers. I reminded them that the next time they were here there would be alcohol and snacks! 🙂

After my relief arrived I made my way to the start/finish area. Again. My one friend had gotten lost and I met her to help freshen up and get ready for the marathon and watch the start.

I was officially done with my duties, and exhausted. My cat naps didn’t really do much (didn’t even register as sleep) and I had been up since basically 7:30am Friday morning. It was a triple latte sort of day. Luckily, there was a coffee shop nearby that hit the spot. Shortly after the start, Rebecca called and asked me to meet her at the base of one of the mountains with her charging stick. Let’s talk about adventure – I need to navigate in a city I am not familiar with, with road closures and try to get to a certain spot. Challenge accepted. Somehow another, I managed to find a roundabout way to the base of Roanoke Mountain to a spot where I knew the runners would pass twice. Bonus, it was where the bugle player was. I finally got to thank him for playing Taps for me last year. I cheered some runners. Thankfully, I was able to meet up with Rebecca.

Now, Rebecca is one of the strongest runners I know. Rebecca was my travel buddy last year. We had so much fun that we decided to repeat. She was signed up for the double, too. Because of her temporary misplacement… She decided that even though it wouldn’t be official, she wanted to make up the miles during the marathon. Understanding completely that desire, I pretty much said see you on the flip side and cheered a few more runners. I made my way back to town again. Around lunch time, I got really sleepy and since I had a little bit of time before my friends would be finishing I decided a cat nap was in order. I fell asleep for about 30 minutes and woke up to a texts and alerts saying severe weather was cancelling the race; still trying to piece it together Rebecca called to say someone saw lightening and the race was cancelled, but the runners would be allowed to finish at their own risk. She, of course, was going to finish. I made my way towards the finish to follow the course backwards to cheer for the marathoners. The crowds were thin and decided to head back to the finish. I met up with Tommy to check on Christina. He hadn’t heard from her, but was certain that she was going to finish. Gosh, watching the finishers – such determination! My hats off to them. While Blue Ridge was not my race, it was my experience. I am so thankful that things worked out for me to be there. I cannot wait for Blue Ridge 2018!

The start of the Full, Half, 10K and Relay

Bugle player!

Rebecca finishing

Christina finishing

The great purge of 2017 is continuing. It feels so good to donate whatever I can to give my unwanted stuff new life. I am surprised at the amount of junk I have accumulated and the amount of trash I keep. I am using the time now to do some of the things that I have always wanted to do. I planted flower seeds in the little small flower bed out front. This weekend, I am going to (with the supervision of my friend Anna) make a container garden (only one) for zucchini. We bought a deck-box to get the tools out of the front closet (so we can store our shoes in there). It only took about five and a half years, but we are done unpacking. No time like the present!

Happy May, people!

Fifty two days

https://www.nhchc.org/faq/official-definition-homelessness/

“An individual may be considered to be homeless if that person is “doubled up,” a term that refers to a situation where individuals are unable to maintain their housing situation and are forced to stay with a series of friends and/or extended family members.”

For 52 days, we fit that definition. Our homeowners insurance has temporary housing accommodations and they put us up in a hotel. The hotel was nice and very accommodating. They worked magic that for the bulk of the time we were able to stay in the same room (we only had to switch rooms once and that was after the first four days).

That bathtub….

Our room

I wanted to get back home from a new spot and my GPS assumed the hotel was home.

Our amazing circle of friends (and family) extended plenty of offers of spare rooms should we need or want it. My oldest nephew kept vying for us to stay with him.

When we first got word that repairs would take 8-10 weeks to be done, it felt like an eternity. Looking back, February feels like a lifetime ago.

As the electricity was being restored, I started to cry a little and gave the technicians hugs (I apologized, but they made my house livable again);

Turning on the electricity at the transformer

Replacing the power meter

the biggest hurdle had been crossed. I started calling all the numbers on the notices and greeted with the lovely message “please call back during our normal business hours.” Of course…

Monday, 8:01am, I sent an email to everyone with a read receipt quickly followed by phone calls to the same people. When I received the out of office message from the insurance adjuster, I did the same to her supervisor; then stared at the phone and email waiting for replies. As they slowly came in, my happiness increased. Given my physical limitations, it all fell on AB to move us out of the hotel. Our insurance agreed to let us take a couple of days to move out, which was extremely helpful and helped ease the stress.

For 52 days, I never felt relaxed or settled. The joy of being back home was more than the joy of when we first moved in. I didn’t realize how unsettled I felt until I realized that on Saturday, I was lounging on the couch and I finally and actually felt comfortable.

The deck and fence

Chase is back!

Our neighbor gave us a pop of color

I felt more at peace than I had in a long time. Since I am viewing this as a fresh start, we are using this time to organize and purge. I really love getting rid of stuff. We did a major cleaning and the house feels fresh and vibrant (still need the carpets cleaned, but that is going to wait until after one small project inside is complete). I have washed everything. Shout out to my girl Julia for starting Pretty Princess Laundry Service and washing and drying some comforters and slip covers that won’t fit in mine (she even picked up and delivered)!

As I have talked to people about everything, while I most definitely do not wish this on anyone, I am kind of thankful that it happened. I have gotten to know two of my neighbors better. My three year old nephew, who screamed and cried at the sight of me, now asks to come see me and wants to play. He smiles when I walk into the room; he even asked to spend the night. I have purged a lot of stuff I don’t need, didn’t know I had, and don’t want. It truly feels like a fresh start.

I am not the most religious person, but I have been feeling very blessed and fortunate these past few weeks. Daily, I express thanks to the world for the positives and the silver linings. Needless to say when I opened the mail yesterday seeing this made me smile.

With my cease and desist order, I have been stressed about maintaining and not gaining weight. While I was going through old t-shirts I found a shirt my little brother gave me when he first went off to college. I have never worn it. It was an x-large and at the time I was too fat to wear it. Now, it is too big (I added it to my pajama top pile). I started to cry. The struggle to remember that this is temporary is so hard. Not being able to do the things that are me is tough. My motivation is to never fit into that shirt. My insurance considers meeting with a dietitian as preventive care. Tonight, I am meeting with one since as the saying goes “you can’t outrun a bad diet,” and “abs are made in the kitchen.” I eat pretty healthy normally, but I am willing to look at my nutrition from new eyes. One of my views is long term goals are more important than short term wants. Luckily, my health and fitness fit into both of those categories, so I am eager to hear what she has to say.

I am so happy that March and this beginning part of April have been so wonderful!

Two turns…

…and you’re on the boardwalk. Less than a mile to go! That was my mantra for most of the Shamrock Full marathon. Along with, “I know this mile is hard, but you are doing it! Keep it up; less than a mile to go.” Thank you, Ryan, for the tip.

I wasn’t going to write a recap of Shamrock, because… I don’t know. Maybe I felt I didn’t need to write another cheerleading review? I mean how exciting is it to hear about me longing to be pounding the pavement, holding a red cowbell. Here’s the abridged version:

-8Ks are fun when your goal is to high five as many people as possible.

– Meeting Shalane Flanagan and Elyse Kopecky combined three of my favorite things – books, food, and running. I may have squealed. If there was music involved, I may have exploded.

My days working with authors at the bookstore came in handy.

Not sure if my smile can get bigger.

– Having Bart Yasso take our selfie.

– Two people cried at the sight of me out of happiness.

– I love making new friends. Friday night, A.B. and I go to dinner at one of favorite places. Our server, Jennifer, noticed my wristband and asked if I was running. We talked training. She asked advice. As she took care of her other tables, A.B. is chuckling, because he knows… I am giddy and said she doesn’t know it yet, but we are going to be best friends. She had told us that this was her second (or third) marathon and that during the last one; she got so hungry that she ate Oreos (and she doesn’t even like Oreos). I flat out asked her if she thought I would be crazy to get her last name so I can track her, since I was going to be out there cheering anyway, I would love to look for her and make sure she got to enjoy my cowbell. She did not give the outward appearance of thinking I was a crazy. Yay, more friends! On the drive back to the hotel, I signed up to track her and found her on Facebook…

– Leprechaun Dash is the absolute best event ever. Kids were more interested in jumping in puddles. They stood still. They ran backwards. It was awesome.

– Shamrock’s weather… There is a saying around here that if you don’t like the weather give it 15 minutes. This year, basically every single element made its appearance at the same time (wind, snow, sleet, rain) while they were on the boardwalk. Good times. They are tough people.

-Perk of living at a hotel for Shamrock, I had plenty of opportunity to add layers, eat/drink, central to the action… It was quite convenient.

-My purpose driven life; I love helping people. I knew there was a reason behind February (even in my most pessimistic moments I knew in my heart that it was not the world out to get me). I had to be at those spots. I gave a complete stranger my gloves (some free ones I was not attached to or matching). Shortly after that, I see a bright yellow jacket and wondered if that was Jennifer. It was! She was happy to see me and started to laugh when I handed her the animal crackers. I don’t remember if this is when she started to cry, but it was obvious that she was in a rough patch. I walked and let her tell me what was wrong. She was cold and mentally down. She gave me a huge hug. She loved the animal crackers. I walked with her a bit. She was contemplating quitting. I listened as we walked. She said she would be fine if she could just warm up a bit. I told her I could get her a trash bag and told her to meet me at the hotel. I ran ahead and to the hotel’s restaurant to get a cup of hot water. I went to the front desk for a trash bag. I met her outside. We walked to the parking garage entrance. I rubbed her back to try to help her to warm up. I told her since I considered her my new BFF and promised I wasn’t crazy that if she wanted to go to my room she could use the hair dryer to warm up. If she didn’t feel comfortable, that was fine. On the way up, I told her I had hot hands that if she wanted them she could have those too. While she thawed under the hair dryer, I heated up some more water. She was torn. She didn’t want to continue, but she didn’t want to quit. She realized if she quit she would need to another one. I told her that was a tough choice, but if she felt she couldn’t continue no one would judge. DNF happens. As we talked, she asked what I would do. I told her honestly, if I was basically all right, I would continue, I wouldn’t let the weather best me. Knowing the course, from where we were, you only had to suffer through two more miles and then relief along Shore Drive. Fort Story would be rough; it always is, but at that point you would be through it and then the wind would be at your back. She laughed, “who knew animal crackers and hot water would be so good?” A.B. walked in and was shocked to see her. All bubbly, “look, I found her!” I could hear him think of course you did. As she and I made our way back downstairs, I giggled and told her, “you realize you just did what almost every marathoner wants to do at some point – take an intermission.” With one last hug, she went on her way renewed. I made my way back to my spot.

I love being near the finish of a marathon. I love the look of grit and determination. I know that last mile is hard. I know how frustrating to know you are so close to being done, but not being able to see the finish. I love acknowledging it and letting people know two turns and you are on the boardwalk. I started getting anxious as the 19.3 mile splits started coming through. I could tell a couple of friends were on pace to get huge PRs. I didn’t notice it last year; and maybe because last year I looked like I had run versus this year in jeans and wool coat, but I was thanked a lot for being out there. I simply responded, “I need to make sure my friends are all right. How are you?” As more and more familiar faces came through, I started getting really happy. I would run with them until the cones to turn on the boardwalk and walk until I saw the next person. Wash, rinse and repeated.

I could barely contain myself as I got the alerts for Amy and Danette; they were both on pace for huge PRs. Amy flew by me steps behind the pacer; she is focused and as determined as I have ever seen her. No stopping for hugs this time. As Danette approaches, even with my horrible marathon math, I knew. She starts to cry (second person to cry at the sight of me?!) and tells me she is doing it. I asked how she is doing mentally and physically. Great on both counts; she said she still feels strong. I run with her to the cones and tell her to get it. I wanted to check on a few more people (ahem, Jennifer) and I would see her at the finish. My excitement is growing as I see a lot of my friends who are first timers. They are in relative good spirits. They are okay. They are beating the weather. The 19.3 alert goes off for Jennifer, so I am scanning the horizon for the yellow jacket. I see her coming and notice she is limping. IT band is acting up, but mentally 180° better. She is happy that she didn’t quit, even though she has to do another one. I hang around for the last of my people; they are all well. As I make my way to the finish line, I am happy. While I love running, being able to check on and cheer for almost all of my friends was better. I felt bad that I didn’t get to do the same cheering for my half friends (shout out to Julia for killing her goal! And to Rubylee for staying consistent and getting a HUGE PR as well!); despite the grey, it was such an amazing day.

My new BFF, Jennifer

Danette glowing from a huge PR and the Oreos I promised her

Other running news – it was announced that I am one of the ambassadors for Running Etc.

I can not speak highly enough of the entire staff there. They are so friendly, knowledgeable and enthusiastic about sharing your goals. Looking at who the other ambassadors are I am struck by two things. One, I know so many of them! Two, it is representative of how diverse running is – people of all paces, who love all distances, ages, experience running.

I am all registered for my third Marine Corps Marathon!

Molly and I celebrating getting “access granted”

The race director!

Theresa, a fellow Blue Ridge Marathon blogger/ambassador found me on the course and got me through it!

Without going into too much detail, I am grounded from running for a while. My focus is now getting healthy. I was planning on taking a break from running after Blue Ridge not instead of Blue Ridge. It’s temporary. I will survive. Although, I do find it ironic that I was selected as a running ambassador and I can’t run. Temporary.

The rest of March and the hot minute we have of April has continued to be pretty amazing. Repairs to the house have been surprisingly smooth. We are basically back home; now just trying to re-organize the chaos. I am getting professional help for that.

Turning on the power to the house from the transformer

Installing the new power meter

NO MORE NOTICES! I can legally be in my house!

The other day, I was struck by the beauty of the burnt trees and that there was fresh growth.

Happy spring!

Marathon Cheerleader

March’s positivity is continuing.

Repairs have started on the house. My neck is slowly recovering.

Running is still basically nothing. I decided to not run the Shamrock half. I am still doing the 8K, but I am going to keep it low key, low stress and low expectations. Basically, high five every kid I see.

Last weekend was difficult; I was supposed to run the Rock ‘n Roll DC half marathon and the One City Marathon. I skipped DC all together and cheered for One City.We went to three spots, mile 9, mile 16 and Finish. We got to Newport News around 6:30am and watched until the last finisher crossed (that was slightly by accident, but we were there).

Mile 16. One of the participants posted this to the Marathon Maniac Facebook page.

While, I would have rather run (mainly because it was SO cold); Yvette and I still had a blast cheering people. Luckily, I managed to see almost all of my people (sorry relay folks who I missed!).

Thursday night I did a test run. While not pretty, it cemented my decision that I made the right decision about dropping from the races. I don’t normally run with music. On the rare occasions I do it is because I need to make sure I focus on the run and trick my brain. Thursday was probably the second time in the last year that I cranked the music (to a reasonable volume, with one ear bud… Safety first).

I have never felt a run before like I did last night. I felt everything. I felt every emotion. The sadness, the anger, the relief… I cried because of all of it. I was angry and happy all at the same time. I felt the physical side of it. I felt the spots where Jake (physical therapist) had done the dry needling. I felt the muscles tensing up (again). I felt each breath (given my pace, no surprises);

I felt my glutes and hamstrings working (I ran my favorite bridge). It was wonderful and uncomfortable. It is the second run that happened when I needed it to happen. A few hours afterwards, the discomfort set in. It helped ease the sting of bowing out of yet another run.

Last night while I took a quick shower before dinner I thought about the difference from this time last year to now. Last Shamrock, I was riding high from my half marathon PR at the Myrtle Beach half marathon, and then a PR for the 8K (mind you running into a big headwind), and helping pace two friends to huge PRs in their half (FYI, those two are running their first FULL marathon this year!!)

Finally got a sub 2:30 for the Half Marathon

Giving it all I had for the final bit of the 8K. Thank you Erica for pulling me.

They both got HUGE PRs in the half!

This year, I am happily going to be a marathon cheerleader extraordinaire; I will be there from the start of the half until the end of the full! Honestly, considering how many friends I have running their first full, this is probably for the best.

In other running good news, a friend of mine transferred her Marine Corps 17.75K registration to me (first time they allowed transfers). She realized she can’t do the Marine Corps Marathon due to a work conflict, so she decided to let me do the 17.75, which guarantees entry into the marathon. Yay! I am going to make a decision regarding my participation in Blue Ridge depending on how my neck feels after the 17.75K. If it does all right after approximately 11 miles, I think I will be able to manage the half marathon. If it doesn’t, I will defer completely.

The repairs are going smoothly. There have been a few hiccups, but it goes with the territory. From the couple conversations I have had with the contractor so far, the damage is not nearly severe as we have feared. It is not lost and I express thanks daily that we were not affected more.

We have been living in the hotel for a little more than a month and I have learned/noticed some things.

I like having a housekeeper.
The couch while comfortable is not comfortable for a long time.
Two bathrooms are a must.
I love looking at the ocean every morning.
I love walking on the boardwalk.
I do not like listening to the ocean every night. I like it, but sometimes I want quiet.
I do not need a lot of stuff.
A good knife set is really important.
I am surprised at how people act in public (not really, but when you are surrounded by different people all the time you notice how some people just don’t care about not their stuff).
Why are light switches outside of the bathroom?
Even though I am less than two miles from work, I can still be two minutes late every day.
Having to keep track of your car keys and a room key; I may have forgotten the room key more times than I care to admit.
This is giving me a chance to cycle through all of my clothes!

The hotel staff have been amazing. Daphne has worked magic and has been able to keep us in our current room for what will hopefully be the duration of our current reservation.

Here’s to the second half of March being as amazing as the first half!